Miserable

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable
Stuck to a chair
Watchin' this story about me
Everything goes by so fast
Making my head spin
Used up all of my friends
Who needs them when you mean everything
I love the things that we should fear
I'm not afraid of being here
So much the same
It makes me helpless alone
Nothing to share
Why should I care if you're near me
Give up all of my plans
But who needs them
When you mean everything
I love the things that we should fear
I'm not afraid of being here
So much the same
You make me helpless alone
Yeah, yeah..You make me come
Yeah, yeah..You make me complete
Yeah, yeah..You make me completely miserable
I love the things that we should fear
I'm not afraid of being here
So much the same
It makes me helpless alone
You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable
Yeah, yeah..You make me come
Yeah, yeah..You make me complete
Yeah, yeah..You make me completely miserable

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

Just because I can't let it down..

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

What's so childish about bringing E-hern up?!?! I can't believe i'm actually bothered to spell his name correctly! You conclude that I haven't really changed much. Yes, it's so easy to tell after you've met me like what?? Three times this year?!? You're so contradicting yourself!!!

What the fuck happened to "maybe we don't have to wait the whole two years"? Or "I really hope we can be together in the future cos I really saw it going somewhere"?

Oh yes but then, there're complications like "but you know I'll be graduating soon and I'm not ready to commit to anything right now cos of that. Oh and furthermore, I'm still seeing E-hern so that's why we can't be together".

To tell you the truth, that's the lamest bullshit I have ever heard!!! You just say that I'm bitter and grumpy as hell so you can feel better about pretending that everything is hunky dory!!!

And if I'll never be half the man that E-hern is, then WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?!?!? Go be with a real man, Sara!!! You want a real man?!?! you've got yourself a real man!!! You have him on your 'featured friends' list!! He's in your photo gallery. He celebrated your birthday with you intimately. You're kissing him on the cheek. You're ever close to him. Your best friend, annabel is going around telling everyone that YOU call E-hern YOUR BOYFRIEND because you guys are DATING but YOU are not sure if the two of you are in a full-blown relationship YET! and you have the cheek to tell me that you're not together?!?!?! WHY?!?! Just because it's not official yet?!?! WHAT IS THE FUCKIN' DIFFERENCE?!?!

Another question... how can you love two people at once? That is if you really do love me... dont tell me you dont love E-hern...

Yeah, you do love me. But at the same time, I'm childish and grumpy and lame and still as loserish as ever. All the reasons you broke up with me in the first place. Not good enough for you and your high life! So do you really love me or not? or do you just say these things whenever you feel like it? You already have E-hern. So then what the hell do you want with me? You want me to hang around so that you can fall back on me, in case things dont go so well with E-hern? But then again, you'd surely say, "Everything between E-hern and I is just swell". So then what am I waiting here for?

Yes, Sara. You forget that while you're out galavanting, I'm right here waiting for you, every single week. And you take for granted the fact that I'll always be there when you need me. You can do whatever you want because I will always love you, right?

Enough is enough. If you want me, come and get me.. otherwise, forget it.

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

Fin

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

I killed myself today. It was painful but I had to do it. Didn't turn out like how I wanted it to but I got the job done.

I just can't do it anymore. It's easier to just forget. I don't want to feel it anymore. Please take it away. It hurts me deeply. It tears me apart.

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

The Lord knows I haven't...

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

I stumbled upon a file that contained a saved MSN conversation that I didn't even know existed. It must have been saved by chance, then. It was between us. It was lovely to read. There was something I hadn't felt in a long time. It was timeless.

I stumbled upon another file. There were only two under the same category, anyway. This was painful to read. This was just days after the end. It was bitter-sweet. It was heart-wrenching. It was helpless.

And all I can ever feel is deep regret accompanied by great shame, that I drove it to its end...

Dear Jesus.. I haven't forgotten.. No, I haven't..

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

You just can't win!

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

A certain somebody was telling me about how his recital got screwed up. After spilling most of it, he turned around and questioned to find out if I was plotting to use the information as juicy conversational topic with other people. Like... WTF? Apparently, he didn't like gossipers, and in that case, I was thought to be one. I found it utterly offensive and especially repulsive that he had the audacity to say it out loud at me!

I told him that I was offended by it and this is how it went from here...

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:00:55 AM)

yah i know u wld be la haha.

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:01:10 AM)

so then why do you say it?

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:01:12 AM)

cos its msn . and u seem to just take topics off the shelf n talk about it

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:01:31 AM)

just like that, and its good for conversation.

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:01:40 AM)

but i failed to mention that i felt this is personal

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:01:46 AM)

and i apologise

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:02:21 AM)

and i was afriad u might unconsciously, .. out of just for fun chattin. bring it up to whoever related

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:02:57 AM)

yeap

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:03:12 AM)

sorry dude. and its in msn

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:03:35 AM)

please spare me the details.. i dont wanna hear anymore of it

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:03:48 AM)

of what?

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:04:01 AM)

just shut it.. you're pissing me off

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:07:00 AM)

okay that's fine, it seems to be one of my natural traits as a human being. with no intention of doing so

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:07:24 AM)

pissing people off

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:07:52 AM)

but ya, by all means, feel free to be angry at me

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:07:55 AM)

i guess u have a right to be.

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:13:17 AM)

you have to realise that other people have feelings just like you

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:13:43 AM)

and when you say things, you need to be mindful not to offend them

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:14:59 AM)

no comment. u just do ur thing, and i wish u all the best. and i'll just do mine.

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:17:01 AM)

no comment?

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:17:24 AM)

what the fuck did i do to you?

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:17:56 AM)

i'm fuckin asking you how your bloody recital went.. and you accuse me of wanting to gossip to others about it

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:18:16 AM)

i apologised didnt i ., that i dont like sharing personal stuff.

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:18:25 AM)

and i didnt mention that b4 saying that.

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:18:36 AM)

i told you the first time that you offended me and you still managed to offend me a second time after that. Furthermore, you have the audacity to 'apologize' after!

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:19:00 AM)

what's the point?

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:19:08 AM)

nvm

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:19:13 AM)

you only apologize when you mean it

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:19:14 AM)

u offended urself

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:19:17 AM)

obviously you dont

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:19:25 AM)

okay

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:19:28 AM)

cheers

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:19:29 AM)

I offended MYSELF?!?! hey fuck you!!

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:19:34 AM)

ok thanks

dheyd σέβομαι says: (3:20:05 AM)

u get well soon. cya

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:21:03 AM)

and if you dont like sharing personal information and if you think that i'll go telling people, then WHY THE FUCK DO YOU TELL ME IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE, ASSHOLE?

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:21:22 AM)

do me a favour and dont tell me anything in the future

Nicholas John Olsen says: (3:21:25 AM)

i dont wanna know

AARRGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAWD!!!! HELP ME!!!!

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

For a change..

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

Hey, all you good peeps! I'm feelin' much better today, thank you.

I was thinkin.. you know.. it's been a long long time since I blogged about anything real. So! I've a great idea. I'll leave it to you guys. If there's anything (and I do mean anything) that you'd like me to blog about, just drop me a comment or tag on the cbox. I'll try my best to entertain. I'm thinkin it'll be interesting. It'll put me to the test and it'd actually bring a bit more life to the place. Agreed? So, fire away!

Thank you for reading~

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

Refresher.

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

I finally have something to say. Everybody promenade~ (rural country music starts to play).

I got sent home yesterday due to a high fever and body aches, that were so bad i couldn't stand up straight. I'm still on MC today, but I was instructed to see the doctor again if it got worse today. And indeed it did. My body temperature has gone up to 38.6 (Celcius) and I've developed a viral infection of the throat. The aches are still here and my eyes feel slightly sore.

I can't tell you how much I suffered trying to fall asleep last night. Anyway, I hope I recover soon.

I dreamt of many scary things last night. Things that I haven't been dreaming of for a long while already, but apparently, they're back again. And all because...

More to come in later posts. I'm too sick.

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

One year and counting..

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

Somewhere beyond the sea
Somewhere waitin’ for me
My lover stands on golden sands
And watches the ships that go sailin’.

Somewhere beyond the sea
She's there watchin’ for me
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to her arms I’d go sailin’.

It's far beyond the stars
It's near beyond the moon
I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon.

We'll meet beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before
Happy we'll be beyond the sea
And never again I'll go sailin'.

I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon
We'll meet … I know we'll meet … beyond the shore
We'll kiss just as before.

Happy we'll be beyond the sea
And never again I'll go sailin'.

No more sailin' …
So long sailin' …
Bye, bye sailin'...
Goodbye, farewell my friend...
No more sailin'...

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

Journey

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

I've been thinking 'bout the times
You walked out on me
There were moments I'd believe, you were there
Do I miss you, or am I lying to myself again

I do these things...
(It's all because of you)
I keep holding on, but I'll try
(try not to think of you)
Love don't leave me lonely
I'll be alright without you

There'll be someone else...I keep tellin' myself
I'll be alright without you
Oh...love's an empty face, I can't replace
(you don't need it)

People wonderin' why we broke apart
The great pretender here I go again
These things I do
(It's all because of you)

I'll keep holdin' but I'll try
(try not to think of you)
All I wanted was to hold you
I'll be alright without you
There'll be someone else, I keep tellin' myself

I'll be alright without you
Love's an empty face...Oh I've got to replace
I'll be alright without you
There'll be someone else, I keep tellin' myself

I'll be alright without you
Oh...love's an empty place, I can still see your face
I'll be alright

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

Look in this direction...

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

Sinead O'Connor is just great.

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

It's been seven hours and fifteen days
Since you took your love away
I go out every night and sleep all day
Since you took your love away
Since you been gone I can do whatever I want
I can see whomever I choose
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant
But nothing ...
I said nothing can take away these blues,
'Cause nothing compares ...
Nothing compares to you

It's been so lonely without you here
Like a bird without a song
Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling
Tell me baby where did I go wrong?
I could put my arms around every boy I see
But they'd only remind me of you
went to the doctor guess what he told me
Guess what he told me?
He said, girl, you better have fun
No matter what you do
But he's a fool ...
'Cause nothing compares ...
Nothing compares to you ...

All the flowers that you planted, mama
In the back yard
All died when you went away
I know that living with you baby was sometimes hard
But I'm willing to give it another try
'Cause nothing compares ...
Nothing compares to you

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*

Over My Head

*Gong* All Ye Hail Emperor Superstar! The Emperor Thpeaketh!

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind

The Emperor Hath Thpoken! *Gong*